Kris Jenner officiated a wedding this weekend
, meaning that the median price of a wedding nowadays simply went up by like $100k. TBH, this is a brilliant beyond brilliant business decision. Not that we’d expect anything less from the woman who turned her daughter’s sexual tape. She could probably charge as much as one of Khloé’s 1Oak appearances for studying a paragraph and fake crying. How much do you pay for Kris Jenner to say for you, after you have walked down the aisle, “You are doing excellent sweetie?” Take my money.
The wedding was for two people you never heard of unless you’re a teenager or some shit: Colton Haynes from and Jeff Leatham. Idk but Kris is successful marriages’ patron saint. Between her affair her two divorces, along with her situationship using Corey Gamble, it does not seem like a lot is meant by her boon.
But what is a Kris Jenner wedding like? I’ve seen her plan a wedding in 12 days and also have her wedding suggestions discounted because Kanye does not like her preference, but how does Kris “It Is An Emergency: We Do Not Have A Wine Opener” Jenner officiate a wedding?
Obvi the way to envision this was to re-write traditional vows . Feel free to use them
Colton Haynes , I, take you Jeff Leatham, to be my lawfully wed–attempt to find an annulment from today and so do not pull on a Kris Humphries–husband.
To have and to hold, using an airtight prenup, from that day forward. Until I file for divorce or you devote a tell-all interview to .
For greater (a September pay), for worse (an overdose at a vegas brothel).
For richer ($500,000 per Instagram post), for weaker (the annual sales of the Arthur George sock line).
In sickness (post-face elevator) and in health (through a FitTea detox).
In Calabasas until death, or different houses, do us part.