Don’t Shame Me For Grieving My Dog’s Death

Share on Facebook0Share on Google+0Tweet about this on TwitterPin on Pinterest0Share on Reddit0

U want to cancel bc ur dogback home died? Haha.

A few months after I moved to New York in 2013, I learned that my beloved childhood yorkie, Sapp, passed away. I was supposed to go on a date that night my first one ever since moving to the city and I felt like I just couldnt handle it. That was the text I got in response to suggesting we reschedule.

I went on the date because I felt bad inconveniencing him. (Ah, young Lindsay. Still had so much to learn.) Part of me hoped that it would be a good distraction. When I got there, I was met with more condescension about my emotions.

Unsurprisingly, the dude didnt last. But the impact of his dismissive attitude which made me feel like I was ridiculous for being sad over my pet did. And it wasnt until a few months later that I actually processed (and cried) over Sapp being gone.

A simple Google search for pet grief yields millions of results, proof that many people mourn the loss of a pet.The theme even permeates pop culture: Books and movies have long explored what happens when our beloved dogs predecease us, from classics like Old Yeller and Lassie to newer tales likeMarley and Me andA Dogs Purpose.

But people can still report feelingembarrassed for grieving a furry friend, especially when others make insensitive comments.

Lets make one thing clear: Theres nothing frivolous about being in mourning. Its a lesson I wish Id understood then.Pets can be just as important as human family members and losing them can be devastating.

Research suggests that human beings feel connected to their furry friendsand they feel bonded to us, too. So it makes sense that we feel the magnitude of their passing when theyre gone.

We need to be more sensitive to pet loss and the grief surrounding it, grief expert Dan Reidenberg, executive director of Suicide Awareness Voices of Educationand chair of the American Psychotherapy Association, told me. Pets can be in our lives for years. When that constant companion is all of a sudden gone, the grief is not only real but it can be profound.

Reidenberg stresses the first step to moving forward from the loss is just acknowledging that youre grieving.Below are a few other tips he says might also help:

Dont set a time limit on how long you mourn.

Just let the process happen.If you push it too fast it may come back down the road, Reidenberg said. If you delay it, you may find it coming out in different ways, such as irritability, lack of concentration, poor quality of work or trouble in relationships.

Dont compare your grief to someone elses

If a friend lost their pet and seemed to get over it in a few days but two weeks into your loss and you are still crying, thats okay, Reidenberg said. We are all different in how we process our feelings so be okay being with your grief process.

Decide what to do with your pets things

Some people want to leave their pets water dish out, others want to box it up immediately. Theres no one right way to do it.What is important is to do what makes you comfortable when you are hurting, Reidenberg explained.

Keep a photo of your pet around

Just because our pets are gone does not mean you have to totally remove them from your life, he said. That could mean putting up photos of your furry friend on your desk or keeping an image of them as your phone background.

Seek support if necessary

There are pet loss groups that can help if youre having difficulties coping. If the loss begins to interfere with your everyday life, Reidenberg recommends reaching out to a mental health professional.

The bottom line, Reidenberg says, is to remember that your emotions may be unexpected but theyre still valid. They certainly were for me.

When I went through a painful breakup, had a bad cold, was dealing with anxiety or just needed a companion, my dog was there. I never spent time imagining a world where he wouldnt be. The reality of that was difficult to process at first.

A loss of a pet is still a loss. And youre allowed to grieve over it.

Read more:

Share on Facebook0Share on Google+0Tweet about this on TwitterPin on Pinterest0Share on Reddit0