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Anthony Scaramucci is vindictive, petty and unprincipled perfect for Trump | Richard Wolffe

Bravado does not translate to any ability to fill the job of comms manager but in the Trump White House, competency is of far less importance than sycophancy

Anthony Scaramucci moves rapidly, but not always coherently. In so many spaces, the new White House communications director is something far like his boss: grotesquely entertaining like a drunken party before the projectile vomiting begins.

Scaramucci, as his call to the New Yorker so aptly demonstrated, is undisciplined and unprincipled, over-reaching and under-qualified, petty, vindictive, and above all, in love with his own image on Tv. In short, hes the perfectly-coiffed face of Donald Trumps presidency.

Now there are some signs that he is not in fact the media maven so beloved by political reporters many moons ago, when he was called to his undertaking last week. It turns out that a bravado briefing from the White House podium does not translate to any they are able to fill the job of communications director.

But no matter. This is the Trump White House, where competency is of far less importance than sycophancy, and virtuous staffers are worth rather less than a Ruby Tuesday special.

Scaramucci, the Mooch, invested all of a week inside the West Wing before he reached breaking point, ripped off his Scooby Doo face mask, and divulged himself to be some kind of Torquemada, purging the White House of its evil heretics.

The subject of his Inquisition are the devil-worshippers known as leakers who speak to the press. The Mooch has brilliantly discovered these people working in the White House press office, where the disloyal lowlifes spend their days involving with Beelzebubs reporters on all sorts of calumny ranging from transgender soldiers to Russian collusion.

His solution: fire one of them to teach them a good lesson. Well, maybe not fire them in the technical sense of the word. Perhaps just tell everyone he was going to fire the innocent and hapless Michael Short a linchpin of the conspiracy from his vantage point as aide press secretary. Like the largest comms manager he is, the Mooch divulged report of Shorts departure before actually burning him. So Short quit of his own accord, denying strongly that he was a leaker at all.

The Mooch soon decried the leakers who induced the firing such a catastrophe somehow overlooking his own role in the leak before hatching a brand-new design: he would fire everyone in the press store!

This is a unique communications strategy firing the entire press office. But it seems to be playing on the brains of the Mooch, who told his best buddy Sean Hannity( of Fox News fame) that he was going to hermetically seal off the press team, if he had to.

Why not vacuum pack the entire press shop and cook them sous-vide? That will stop their loose lips from flapping. Of course, it will likewise do nothing to shut what the Mooch memorably called last week the arbitrage spread between what the Trumpistas and the media think of the great orange leader. But hey, thats the price of a good purge.

Much like his boss, the Mooch isnt in the West Wing to do the obvious stuff, such as communications. This Inquisition is much bigger than that. Having forced out Short and his old boss, Sean Spicer, he is finally becoming his sights to the real foe. That guy is Reince Priebus, the weakest chief of staff in living memory, and the mentor to both Short and Spicer.

So on Wednesday night when the Moochs public fiscal disclosure sorts became, you know, public, our Grand Inquisitor turned on the bolts known as Twitter. In ignite of the divulge of my financial revealing info which is a misdemeanour I will be contacting @FBI and the @TheJusticeDept, he thundered, before deleting the tweet, like better than good comms experts.

Never mind that the Harvard Law School grad is wrong about the felony and thus the investigation he is demanding: the public disclosure of a public disclosure figure is no crime. The Moochs hair is on fire and good-for-nothing will extinguish the flares except the creed of the man he labelled in his tweet: Priebus.

In a bizarre and jogging CNN interview on Thursday as bizarre as Donald Trumps speech to the Boy Scouts the Mooch said it was up to Reince to clear his own epithet, before the Mooch cleared out his brain. If Reince wants to explain hes not a leaker, let him do that, he said on national television.

Scarmucci fighting is what he does best. Photograph: Rex/ Shutterstock

This is a man he described as a brother last week. Now he explains what kind of brotherhood he had in psyche. When I told we were brothers from the pulpit, thats because some brothers are like Cain and Abel.

Ah, yes, the murdering brother story. Such a great parable for the purposes of our Inquisition. But lets get back to the real enemy: the deep government represented by the Dark Prince Reince and his RNC establishment forms. There are reports of White House diagrams disclosing the ultimate leakers identity, but they may have just lifted them from The Da Vinci Code.

There are people inside the administration that think it is their undertaking to save America from this president. That is not their position, said the Mooch, as he described the majority of members of the nations capital. Its not their task from the creation, through calcification, to sit there and try to withhold the president, to rein him in or slow down his agenda.

Loyalty is a curious test for a male who backed potential candidates other than Trump last year, and created funding for Barack Obama in 2008. Then again, Torquemada himself was the descendent of converts. Its the zeal of the convert that results them to cover up their own divided loyalties. The only good report about this civil conflict is that while they are hunting each other down, they have less time to fight the rest of us.

Fighting is what the Mooch seems to do better. Contending and cursing, mostly about his beloved friend. Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac, he told the New Yorker, as he raged about being cock-blocked by Priebus. This is something of a theme for the Mooch, who also told the publication that Steve Bannon, the last dark prince, is in the process of pleasure himself. Im not Steve Bannon, Im not trying to suck my own cock, he declared.

This is a relief, because one sucker is one too many inside any workplace. Our Inquisitor is make use of tougher material, and he will not lose this righteous battle against evil. The inundate will not defeat him, he said of his own holy spirit. Theyre trying to resist me, but its not going to to study. Ive done nothing incorrect on my fiscal disclosures, so theyre going to have to go fucking themselves.

Setting aside the rather crude sex insults, the Mooch is an unwitting seer of trues. He merely doesnt know what hes looking at. Under-confidence plus anxiety always equates paranoia and backstabbing, he told CNN. He thought he was talking about his ex-brother Reince, but of course he was actually describing himself perfectly. Except that the Mooch prefers to stab people in the chest rather than the back.

Public humiliation is a much-overlooked administration technique that traditional executives never discover in their elitist MBA studies. At Trump University, nonetheless, “its by” regarded as an unqualified success. Ricky Gervais might have created The Office, but Donald Trump has perfected this leadership style in the mockumentary known as the Oval Office.

Trump himself has invested much of the last week tormenting Jeff Session the route his chum is harassing his joint chiefs of staff. If youre going to trash your us attorney general on Twitter every day, why not only have the intestines to burn the man? Because the sustaining is what builds them confess to their sins.

This is no way to run a revolution, never mind a small paper business. But thats OK, because the spirit of this purging is pure. I said to the president this morning, I cant afford to be a flatterer to you, the Mooch told CNN.

Is there a more perfect formulation of sycophancy? Yes there is! As you are familiar with from the Italian speech, fishing operations stinks from the head down, the Mooch clarified. I can tell you two fish that dont stink. Thats me and the president.

And thats why they pay him the big bucks. According to his financial kinds, the obscenely big bucks. Because he doesnt smell like a stinking fish.

The Mooch is clearly a genius of communications, and Donald Trump deserves nothing less.

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